Apology As Soul Retrieval
Have you ever wondered why you can’t get those old tapes out of your head? You know the ones-that play over and over again on a loop- hashing out old arguments, and painful memories from your past.
Maybe you’ve tried a few things to sort through the wreckage in your head and even found some relief for a time only to have them crop back up the next time something doesn’t go quite as you had planned.
When we have unresolved baggage with other people, and sometimes even places, we create karmic ties with them that keep us linked together. Even if we are wanting to move forward and be done with that part of our lives-it stays connected to us until we choose to do something about it. It’s like we go around giving little pieces of ourselves away through the damage that we cause to each other in our relationships and they live outside of us until we make a place for them to come back home.
And trust me, no amount of cord cutting is gonna do the trick.
So how do we retrieve these little bits of our soul?
Well, you start with forgiveness. Recognizing that every human out there (including you) is simply doing their very best, and that sometimes their very best can fall immensely short. Now, this does not mean in any way that the things that transpired were ok, forgiveness is not about giving people a free pass for their wrongs. It is a simple act of kindness towards 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, and an acknowledgement that you are not willing to carry around the burden of anger anymore.
Then you very carefully and perhaps with guidance, figure out what exactly was 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 responsibility within the relationship. Own your piece, be it big or small. Perhaps it’s just a simple admission of-I stayed when I should have left. Or perhaps it’s much bigger-perhaps you caused real damage with your words or actions.
Then, if it’s appropriate, you ask the other party involved if they are willing to sit down with you so that you can apologize. And you take ownership of what is yours.
Now, sometimes it is not possible or appropriate to sit down with someone and do this work. Some people will not be willing to sit down with you, and that is their choice, and some people will not be able to hear you, do not force it on them. And still others it will be unsafe to be near them, and I will not ever advocate for you to put yourself in harms way. In those cases, it is enough to know what your part was and perhaps to create a little ritual of release. I like to write a letter, and choose a time where I can be alone in nature, to either burn it or bury it.
Now here comes the most difficult part, when you do this work, it is paramount that you do it for 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧. Meaning, you own your piece with no expectation that you will receive anything in return.
So often we apologize only because we are so desperate to hear the other person mirror our words and take responsibility for their actions as well and when they do not we are bitterly disappointed. Balancing the karmic scales has almost nothing to do with the other person. Our job is simply to own our piece and then 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘨𝘰.
If someone responds in kind, it is a gift. And if they do not, it is still a gift. It provides clarity about your relationship with them moving forward. It liberates you from the “what if” monsters that live on when we don’t give voice to our truths.
You are not meant for everyone, and that is more than ok because the people who you are meant for will blow you away with the beauty of their love. You won’t even have to question it.
This is difficult work, and if you are attempting it know that I am here prayerfully cheering you on along with your entire ancestral line. You can do it!
