Own Your Feelings
In the past my feelings often plagued me like unwanted house guests, coming and going at all hours of the days and night. It was exhausting. They were endlessly triggered by other people’s actions or inactions, and I found myself engaging in all sorts of behaviors to get them to stfu. Like having a 5th glass of wine, eating the entire pint of ice cream, and pressing play on yet another episode of whatever distraction masquerading as entertainment I had on that night. Avoiding them became the driving and motivating force behind my entire life. I felt ruled by them, just as they seemed to be ruled by people, places, and things entirely outside of my control.
But here’s the simple truth, you aren’t the cause of your feelings, but neither is anyone else. They are a very cleverly designed feedback loop built into your body to help you navigate the world, to steer you towards your passions, and away from all that does not resonate.
The trick is you have to let yourself feel them.
Then instead of basing all of your behavior on how not to feel your feelings you can turn your attention to how best to support yourself through feeling them. And watch as they change and shift and deepen in ways you had never imagined possible.
We don’t get to control what feelings we have and when we get to have them, but we do get to enjoy them, hold space for them and own them as ours for the time that we have them.
I used to place the burden of responsibility for my feelings on others, good and bad. I would say it was the way so and so acted that made me angry. And it was the way so and so looked at me that made me love them. I took away all the power of my own agency. Because I am not the cause of my feelings, but I for damn sure am the awareness of them. And it is my sacred awareness that allows me to experience my feelings, whether I choose to revel in them or push them away.
These days I try to strike an even balance, and just 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 them. And to let myself feel a sense of wonder at the beauty in my design, that I 𝘨𝘦𝘵 to feel these things so exquisitely. At the power I do have, rather than the power that I don’t.
So feel the feels. And don’t buy into the false perception that some outside force can change your internal architecture. You were designed far more cleverly than that.
