The Value of Holding Space
I’ve been reading a wonderful book lately called The Bone Clocks by David Mitchell (also the Author of the perhaps better known Cloud Atlas) and it has this character named Holly Sykes, whose development has me thinking and feeling deeply about my own work, and the path I am trying to create.
You see, Holly is Psychic, her third eye is open and she has the ability to know things, channeled from higher sources, which give her insight into her life and her path. Other than that she is a normal girl progressing into womanhood, and has very normal dreams, hopes, and desires for herself. And it takes her a very long time, most of her life, to become comfortable with her gifts and to begin to speak openly about them, and share them with others. She just doesn’t think that people will care, or that worse, they will think she is crazy and judge her for it.
And in this struggle that this fictional character faces, I see a bit of myself. Not because I am Psychic, at least, not yet 😉 But because she struggles with sharing something that undoubtedly has immense value with others because of how she might be perceived. And I wonder – what came first? The shame? Or the judgement from society around things which we cannot explain, but just intuitively know? And how can I, as an empathic person in service to the higher sources, transcend the cycles of self-doubt around the value of my work?
When I look more fully into the roots of Western society’s judgements of ancient intuitive practices it always circles back around to the feminine. And I want to be clear - I believe all people hold both masculine and feminine qualities within them – and I am not speaking specifically to gender right now but more to older, more ancient concepts of Yin (Divine Feminine) and Yang (Divine Masculine) which describe tendencies and qualities in both the physical and energetic realms. And our society took a sharp turn many thousands of years ago very decidedly in the favor of masculinity. What I mean by this, is that the qualities that the ancients more closely associated with the feminine (including and especially intuitive powers) have slowly been degraded, forgotten, and worst - deemed to be nothing but old wives’ tales, and only interesting to those without any rational sensibilities- namely hippies, the new-age crowd, the ignorant, and the uninformed.
In this climate of aggressive hyper masculinity, where everything must be proven by physical material data worked thoroughly through the scientific method, how do we nurture and support those things which are unknowable? How do we ascribe value to intangible, energetic exchanges? In other words, how do we “hold space”? Holding space is the root of the Divine Feminine path. It is uniquely Yin, and in masculinities eyes, it does nothing because it is simply the receptive container of stillness through which the higher sources are channeled. And the truth is, in modern society, more often than not, we simply do not ascribe much value, if any, to it.
A hilarious parody of this exact issue was explored in JP Sear’s series of online comedic videos entitled Ultra Spiritual Life in the episode “Holding Space for People”. Which I highly recommend. It is pee your pants funny, as is most of his work. And I think it is so funny, mostly because it portrays a very real truth. It is a satirical depiction of how a society in its toddler years of moving back towards the qualities of the Divine Feminine has been pantomiming holding space without having any real grounding in how to do it. So it ends up coming from a place of ego and you guessed it, hilarity ensues. Definitely check it out below if you haven’t already.
Jp’s video, apart from being great for a laugh, also brings up some very real issues faced by Divine Feminine space holders in our modern society. A great example of this from his video is when JP says, “I do a lot of trades with people, where they give me something tangible with value that’s actually usable, and in return I give them held space. Conscious people always understand the value of held space. I also accept US currency, Bitcoin, and Ethereum for my held space.” This, of course, is after stating that space holding is “more about being than doing. And I do being very well.” And while it is funny to think of trading “held space” or “being” for Bitcoin, the very real truth is that us space holders are often faced with these sorts of mindsets as we offer our work to the public. Mindsets that don’t equate traditionally feminine work as being of any real value. When in fact, the burden of being the underpaid and undervalued emotional labor keepers is a huge part of what needs to be shifted on a societal level if we are to move into a more equitable future.
Moreover there is also an ineffable amount of evidence that people want these intangible experiences in their lives, however much they might not be able to ascribe them the appropriate amount of value. Human beings are by nature inquisitive and self-reflective. It is part of the beauty of our unique consciousness. And there are voids in our experience which science and technology simply cannot fulfill. As a species, some part of us craves the great mystery and wants to know how to tap into it. As an intuitive card reader I know this simply from the breadth and diversity of clients I get and the questions they ask. And as a Birth Doula I see it in the process a woman and her partner(s) go through as they deal with the challenges and miracles of bringing life into the world. In short – we all need the Divine Feminine – she is a universal imperative for all beings, throughout all time and space. However, if the value ascribed to her by society at large is more than a little lacking, what can we do about this on a personal level?
Well, for starters, as space holders, we can get really clear on the value of our work. Not our self-worth, but the work we offer in service to the powers that be. I think this is one of the major keys I have discovered offering my work - that there is a huge difference between my own personal worth, and the work that I offer on behalf of the Universe. So often, we tie the two things together, and then when people are not interested in our work we take it personally. Or adversely, when our work goes very well, we get a sort of puffed up ego rush and forget that our talents, while being channeled through a beautiful and unique lens, are not actually from us, per se, but from the divine. Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love, has an amazing talk on this very concept called “Your Elusive Creative Genius” on TED that you can check out here:
And if our talents are a channeled gift direct from other sources then we all also need to get very real about the value of the Divine Feminine. It is no longer permissible or advisable to low-ball ourselves for offering gifts and talents which take an extra-ordinary amount of emotional labor, and intuitive energy to create. Intangible though these things may be, the very real time and money space holders put into educating ourselves and engaging in mentorships and apprenticeships, not to mention the hours upon hours of research and free offerings we engage in to bolster interest and engage the public, needs to be accounted for if we are truly to honor the source of inspiration from which it all sprang.*
I am a firm believer that the macrocosm shifts to mimic the microcosm, and vice versa. Which is a fancy way of saying that while the outside world shapes us, we too, are capable of shaping the outside world – and it starts from within our own divine selves. So, value your work sisters and brothers, and value the work being offered by others as well. As we learn to honor the intrinsic value of the Divine Feminine with our actions this will naturally ripple out into the world, changing mindsets one by one until we reach a great tipping point and the minority becomes the majority. Let it be so!
*This, of course, is not to discourage those who wish to from engaging in pro-bono or sliding scale work to promote intersectionality and allow people who otherwise wouldn’t be able to access your gifts the ability to engage. I am only talking about the foundational needs that must be met around ascribing value to the intangible.
